Starting a Buddhist Path

title-67504

2005-07-03T21:40:16+02:00

Over the past few days I've been working on my meditaion posture. I'm far too inflexible for anything like the lotus position, so I kneel down with a cushion under my bum. Various numbers of Argos and Index catalogues underneath the cushion make the height right, and I've been trying different heights each day.

I'm using Kamalashila's book 'Meditation' to help guide me. It's an excellent book, I've never seen another which comes close. It says you can't learn mediation on your own, though, which worries me. I did do a short course when I was 19 (I'm 30 now) at the Brighton Buddhist centre. It was well taught, but I never felt comfortable there. I'm a very nervous person. I trust what the book says, but I do have a feeling I'm capable of doing this on my own, if I have the will to stick to it.

I'm doing 'Mindfulness of Breathing' meditation, and my focus on the breath has been appalling since I've been sorting out my posture, and concentrating on that. Still, it's essential that I get it right, then I will keep reminding myself to stay in that position, until it becomes automatic. Then I can concentrate on the breath. Today it felt better - when I sit up straight my back feels neither slumped (from sitting too high) nor arched (from sitting too low). I realised my head must be at a tilt which is well balanced so that it's neither falling forwards nor backwards. Doing that made the rest of my back sort itself out.

Yesterday I didn't meditate at all, and I feel cross about that. I must be determined and consistent, or I'll quit like I do most things. I was working in the morning, and there was a lot of noise from a Summer Fayre in the afternoon, but that's no excuse. This must have first priority over almost everything. The human body lasts such a short time.

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title-59349

2005-06-26T23:08:00+02:00

Well, I thought this might be a useful way of keeping my thoughts in order, and might be possibly of some encouragement to others seeking to follow Buddhism.
I've made a commitment to myself to meditate daily. This is day 4. Having read bits and pieces about Buddhism over many years I feel that it's leaders are probably trustworthy- that is truthful, level-headed and expert. So I feel there's a fair chance that the Tibetan ideas on death are true - that we are reincarnated repeatedly over trillions of lifetimes, of which this life is one tiny part, and that some of those lives are literally hellish. If a human rebirth is astoundingly rare, as they say it is, then I must try and use it wisely. I also hope, of course, that meditation may give happiness in this life, too.
This sounds pessimistic, to say the least, I know, but whether we like something or not is surely no indication as to if it is true.
I've meditated before, but I didn't enjoy it - just found it a frustating experience. I've decided now to do it daily for 6 months, and hope that I learn to enjoy it in that time. I'm not good at commitments, but I really mustn't waste this life. I'm hopeful I can keep to it since it's something I trully want.
The first 2 days' meditations were enjoyable mostly, but today's reminded me of why I gave up before. I get into a circle of feeling fed up that I can't focus and then worrying about that which stops me focusing. Well, this is a test of my resolve, and I guess if I could focus on the present moment I wouldn't need to practice meditation! My big fear is that I'll never improve. Still, I'm not alone -out of all the people who try meditation, I wonder what percentage keep doing it regularly? Not many, I'll bet, so it's not an easy thing to embark on.

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