Over the past few days I've been working on my meditaion posture. I'm far too inflexible for anything like the lotus position, so I kneel down with a cushion under my bum. Various numbers of Argos and Index catalogues underneath the cushion make the height right, and I've been trying different heights each day.
I'm using Kamalashila's book 'Meditation' to help guide me. It's an excellent book, I've never seen another which comes close. It says you can't learn mediation on your own, though, which worries me. I did do a short course when I was 19 (I'm 30 now) at the Brighton Buddhist centre. It was well taught, but I never felt comfortable there. I'm a very nervous person. I trust what the book says, but I do have a feeling I'm capable of doing this on my own, if I have the will to stick to it.
I'm doing 'Mindfulness of Breathing' meditation, and my focus on the breath has been appalling since I've been sorting out my posture, and concentrating on that. Still, it's essential that I get it right, then I will keep reminding myself to stay in that position, until it becomes automatic. Then I can concentrate on the breath. Today it felt better - when I sit up straight my back feels neither slumped (from sitting too high) nor arched (from sitting too low). I realised my head must be at a tilt which is well balanced so that it's neither falling forwards nor backwards. Doing that made the rest of my back sort itself out.
Yesterday I didn't meditate at all, and I feel cross about that. I must be determined and consistent, or I'll quit like I do most things. I was working in the morning, and there was a lot of noise from a Summer Fayre in the afternoon, but that's no excuse. This must have first priority over almost everything. The human body lasts such a short time.